January is the anticipatory month. The month before the drop. The drop we handle in different ways, it's the expectation of the drop that gets us. The anxiety before the event.
So as a reminder for myself, you can't trust what comes out of January. It's a strange month. It's a month of restart; nothing in the year has happened yet. It can mean anything. It can also be the reminder that it's been another year. Somehow or other, you've come to this place again. A place already firmly situated in the months of seasonal depression. It's a bitter month for me that throws me for several months afterwards and it's a hell of a time feeling situated again. The first few months of the year are usually just me trying to figure out where I am in an almost literal way. If you're anything like me, you can't trust what comes out of January. You'll lose your mind. For all the strangeness of the month, later on, no matter how fast the year has gone, January always feels like a distant creature that almost doesn't feel real. In the end, you always kind of forget January until you meet them again. It's an emotionally abusive thing and I'm calling it out for what it is. For all the promises, there's no love in the end. January, for all it's potential, usually just leaves me feeling lost and untethered. January isn't a failure, it's a reminder that you'll figure it out day by day. You're getting there, to wherever or whatever that is. January's just a bastard, treat it like it is.
So here's to January. To the potential and the failures, it's always a hell of a ride.
